Novelty-seeking and Romance


All brains are wired for novelty.  We are attracted to things that are new and shiny.  We love to learn and grow.  New experiences release neurotransmitters that excite our neurons. With romance, this core need can be a strength or backfire.

Women with ADHD who are dating or trying to rediscover connection within an existing relationship can certainly have a difficult time.  There might be a pattern of fallout from risk-seeking behaviors.   The relationship wrecking ball of intense emotional experiences can be overwhelming.  And, an often short-sighted need for novelty can make a good thing seem uninteresting.

The blogs and studies out there would have ADHD women believing that they are doomed.  The stigma and horror stories are not balanced by a proactive, self-aware, strengths view of how these human needs can be met in positive ways.

What goes wrong

What to do instead

  • Try lots of different dates with the same person (my handy list)

  • Going to lots of new places means planning with ADHD (prep the day before, being on time, getting home safely)

  • Give a new love interest the appropriate amount of attention

When you’ve found a stable partner who is “good news,” mix it up in the bedroom.  Negotiate for variety ahead of time. “Variety is important in any couple’s sex life, but especially in an ADHD relationship.